I'm Sorry That I Didn't Make You See
by coffeevixen84
Summary: Finn and Rachel are off to a great start…until Puck and Rachel's friendship throws our dear Mr. Hudson for an unpleasant loop.


I'm Sorry That I Didn't Make You See

Disclaimer: You probably already know it, but I don't own anything.

Author's Note: So this was written in June, and I considered not posting it at all, but I decided to go ahead and put it up before tonight's premiere unveils how terrifically inaccurate it is. While it's definitely Finn/Rachel, there's some _heavy_ Puck/Rachel friendship throughout, and a sprinkling of Quinn/Rachel friendship too.

Thanks for reading, and if you don't absolutely loathe it, please review!

!

There was actually still a little over a month of school left after Regionals and the reinstatement of the McKinnely High School Glee Club. But Mr. Schuester had meant what he said about enjoying some time off. He knew they'd worked hard, though they didn't have the trophy to show for it, and that most of them had a pretty rough year outside of glee. He was proud of them and excited for the club's future, but thought it best to give them some space, to leave them to concentrating on their upcoming finals and making plans for the summer. He thought he was doing them a favor.

Of course, what he hadn't considered, was that they'd really, really miss it.

They were a group of teenagers who had shared something special, but now had no outlet. Who were bonded, but didn't know how to relate to eachother without music. Without glee, something they'd come to depend on was missing.

So the Tuesday after Mr. Schue had sang for them, Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Finn and Rachel had just found themselves, without thinking, in the choir room after the last bell. Earlier surprise by Artie that Kurt even knew who David Bowie was, had led to a discussion on how, since performing "Somebody to Love" last fall, Kurt had developed a significant interest in Queen, and as a result now considered "Under Pressure" one of his favorite songs. He insisted both Bowie and Freddie Mercury had elements of Diva in them, so it shouldn't have really come as that much of a shock.

The next thing anyone knew, Artie and Kurt were singing an impromptu duet of "Under Pressure" that was utterly fantastic. Maybe the sound and energy were so great that they radiated out passed the choir room walls, capturing the others' attention and pulling them in. Or maybe the rest of the club was just gravitating there totally on their own, like the original six. But somehow, by the end of the song, Puck, Quinn, Santana, Matt, Mike, and Brittany were all there too, and everyone was clapping and smiling. When Mr. Schuester came in to get some papers from his office 20 minutes later, he found what looked very much like a glee rehearsal as Kurt and Rachel worked with Quinn on some harmonies, and Tina and Brittany were working out some choreography with Mike.

He smiled and asked what song they were picking apart.

There were (unspoken) rules, though . Mr. Schue never picked out any material or gave any assignments. And Rachel never mentioned the word "competition." No one ever fought over who got to sing what. No one stormed out. They would just meet after school at their usual times and if someone had something they wanted to try out or a song they were working on, they performed it. Other days they just sat around joking and listening to someone's iPod until a song came on that captured their attention and the singing started.

Much to Rachel's astonishment, one day Quinn came up to her with the idea for a medley/mash-up of a few TLC songs. The two ex-enemies had a lot of fun planning it out, to both of their amazement, and ended up pulling in Mercedes and Santana to help show it off to the club.

The next week Finn offered up his drumming and some backing vocals as Tina sang an old No Doubt song that had everyone bouncing around for the entire afternoon.

Mike Chang finally sang alone for the first time to Justin Timberlake's "Rock Your Body," with predictably fantastic dancing to match. It earned him a standing ovation. And though neither one would break their casual summer rules, Rachel shared a look with Mr. Schuester that seemed to say, "Let's be sure to remember this, once "Sectionals" is no longer a dirty word."

However, as good as it all seemed, everyone should have known things wouldn't stay drama free for very long…

!

It was an amazing thing for Rachel, really, the way life could change all of a sudden. To learn she could lose…and survive it. To feel like she had real friendships finally forming. To know what it meant to sing for the now alone, without thinking about singing for the future.

And the fact that she and Finn were, at last, truly and completely dating, didn't hurt.

In fact, it almost made her delirious with _glee_.

So far, things were very different this time around. She never had to remind him of dates she had planned, because going out was usually his idea and he seemed to want to spend as much time with her as possible.

She went to watch him play baseball, and unlike with basketball (where he seemed to avoid looking at her altogether), he'd shoot her a smile every time he went up to bat, and come over to kiss her soundly after every game.

She told him she loved him the day after they'd started officially dating, the next Saturday after Regionals, while they were snuggled together watching _Chicago_ on her couch. She was just sitting there, mouthing the words, careful not to sing out loud this time so that he could fully experience the movie itself, when he'd leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I can't believe how happy I am right now." He squeezed her a little tighter, and she felt the start of happy tears. Turning a little in his arms to better face him, she showed him her most genuine elated smile before leaning up to kiss his cheek. She left her lips against his skin as she said, just loud enough for him to hear, "I can't believe how much I love you."

He'd sat frozen a second, stunned, before pulling her in front of him, quickly but gently.

"Did you just say…?"

She nodded, "I love you, Finn. And I'm really, really happy right now, too."

He let out a heavy, delighted exhale, "Rach..." And then he was kissing her and she was pretty sure life, for now, was perfect.

!

Puck felt like he really couldn't catch a break. Yeah, for a while there at least, a lot of the bad in his life was mostly his own doing. But he felt like he'd learned his lesson and served his time, so now it just seemed like the world got off on kicking him while he was down.

Even little glimmers of improvement (talking with Finn again to plan Vocal Adrenaline payback, or getting to sing lead for part of Regionals and knowing he'd totally nailed it) were constantly overshadowed by the bigger, badder blows that always seemed to come right after.

It was the last Tuesday before exams, and he'd been actually doing pretty good in the month since he'd stood beside Quinn as they gave Beth away. He'd finally wrapped his mind around why what they were doing was for the best, and why putting his daughter up for adoption wasn't the same as when his own dad just left.

Rachel Berry had something to do with that. Upon finding him moping in the choir room during 4th period, just three days after the whole ordeal, she stomped her foot in frustration and told him in no uncertain terms that while she couldn't imagine the sadness and loss he must feel, she knew without a doubt what'd he'd done was a selfless and beautiful thing, proving that he loved his daughter so much that her needs and security took priority over his own wants, and that he needed to start looking at what he'd done not as a failure but as something generous and noble and good, or she was going to have Finn beat him up.

Her threat made him laugh, because he could totally take Finn. Really. But she also sounded so sure of everything else she'd said it was hard not to believe her. And while the sadness hadn't gone anywhere, the underlying guilt had lessoned considerably. And that had made a huge difference. In both how he felt about himself and how he felt about Quinn.

But apparently with all that progress, he was getting too close to happy, or at least too close to not being so pissed off all the time. He'd just received a phone call that had knocked the wind out of his sails. Had literally punched his breath away with heartache.

And he doesn't know when the choir room became where he went to think and process and whatever, but of course by going there he should have just known that Rachel would find him.

"Noah?"

He was glad her tone wasn't so disapproving this time since it was homeroom and at least he wasn't blowing off class. But he must have really had his heart on his sleeve or whatever because by the look on her face she could totally tell something was wrong and was already just radiating compassion. Damn her.

"Hey, Rach."

He surprised himself that he hadn't snapped for her to leave him alone, or made some lame innuendo-laden comment to try and knock the serious out of this room before she went all sweet-girly-nurturer on him. But maybe Rachel and he had had enough heart-to-hearts now that he could finally stop denying he was grateful.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She asked it hesitantly, like she expected it to be met with hostile rejection, but also like she really believed if he let her listen, it could help.

"Talk about what?" There was no malice or attitude, just a last half-hearted attempt at diverting her.

"Whatever is making you look so heartbroken." She paused. "Is it Quinn?"

He just shook his head.

"So it's about Beth."

She wasn't asking, and he wasn't surprised.

He nodded, just slightly.

She sat with him in comforting silence, waiting for him to explain. And he thought no one else would maybe believe she was capable of this, but he was really glad he got to know better.

He cleared his throat a little. "Your mo-, uh, Shelby...she's moving to Michigan."

He looked to her and saw a flash of hurt before she got control over her features. "Oh?"

"She said she needed a fresh start for this new part of her life. And apparently some ad agency in Ann Arbor wants her to do jingles or something? The pay is supposed to be great and the neighborhood she looked at is right out of _Leave it to Beaver_ or whatever." He looked at Rachel, and she was just watching him, her wide eyes offering concern and sympathy. "It's really not that far. Shelby said we could let her know if we wanted to visit, maybe. Said if we wanted pictures or anything, she'd send them."

Rachel nodded. She knew that was something he struggled with. What kind of contact, if any, would be okay, and what would just make things harder on everyone involved.

"What does Quinn think?"

Puck snorted, not really derisively but it was still an unpleasant sound. "I think she's relieved."

Rachel quirked a questioning brow.

"I think she was afraid, as close as Shelby lived, that she might just run into them in the supermarket or something. And I don't know if she thinks she could handle that. This gives her control. If she sees Beth, it'll be on her own terms."

He knew no one could understand the need for control quite like Rachel Berry. And as she nodded a little more, he worried about how this news was making her feel aside from her concern for him. The mother she'd only just met was now leaving with the new daughter, his daughter, that she'd gotten to take her place. Fuck, their lives were so messed up.

He watched her reach a decision, noticing a change in the brown of her eyes and a stiffening to her posture. "You know, Noah. When I'm feeling something particularly complex or overwhelming, singing about it helps."

He rolled his eyes at her.

"I'm serious. When I'm feeling…too much….singing is a good way to let a lot out at once, and then what I'm left with is sometimes a more manageable amount."

"Berry, even if I actually thought for a single second that would help me deal with this, I doubt there is a song out there for my 'the lady I gave my baby to is moving away and now I'm sad' situation."

She just looked at him a moment before reaching into her bag and pulling out her iPod. She scrolled for a just a few moments before she handed him one of her ear buds.

The next thing he knew, he was totally captured by the song she was playing. While he was sure whatever had made the guy write this was nothing at all like his own situation, somehow everything about the words and the feelings fit what he was living with right now.

He looked at her and nodded. And the smile she gave him was "I'm sorry" and "You're welcome" and "Of course, I'll help" all in one.

It would have been a great moment in the history of his surprising friendship with Rachel Berry if he hadn't noticed a tall and hideous hockey-playing monstrosity in front of him right at that moment.

Karofsky was gazing at the two of them like a cat that had caught the canary. No doubt he thought he was going to have a little fun tormenting them now, and a lot of fun tormenting them later. He looked as if he had very definite ideas about what he was witnessing, and that he didn't suspect Finn Hudson would approve.

"So, Puckerman, going after Finn's hot little cheerleader was one thing...no one could blame a guy for wanting to hit that. But, this?" He indicated Rachel with a look of disgust. "It just seems cruel to steal a man's tranny...especially when he's already been through so much."

Puck was out of his chair in an instant, stepping menacingly towards Karofsky with a temper that would have scared Rachel if she wasn't absolutely sure when she placed her hand on his arm that he'd mellow, if only slightly.

"You're a little shit, Karofky. Rachel and I are just friends, and if you think Finn or I will tolerate you talking about Rachel like that, then you are a fucking moron."

"Whatever. Either you are slumming it with an uggo, or you've gone gayer than that Kurt kid. Either way, you've got nothing worth the swagger. I'm not afraid of you."

"Then the stupid just keeps on coming, because you sure as hell should be. You're pretty good at running your mouth, but I'm much better at planting my fists. So I'd walk out of here, now, if I were you…while you have the chance." Puck stepped forward again, and this time Rachel made no move to stop him. If he'd have pulled his eyes away from Karofsky for even an instant he may have noticed Rachel teeming with a barely contained rage.

"The only thing you are good at is knocking girls up with little bastards."

Puck saw nothing but brilliant, blinding red for a moment, the urge for violence swiftly overtaking him. But before he could act, a sudden swish of shiny dark hair was directly in front of him, and tiny, delicate arms stretched out to hold him back, as Rachel glared dangerously at the enemy before her.

She started talking and her voice was coated in a poisonous sugar, and Puck felt himself gulp knowingly.

"Dave, do you happen to remember the hockey team's record this year? Because I do. It was 3-17. Which is sadly, a considerable improvement over last year's season."

Rachel took another step towards Karofsky and continued, condescension seeping out with every word. "Do you know what your GPA is, Dave? Do you? Because while I may not know the exact current average, I do happen to recall that you are not playing baseball this spring due to academic ineligibility, so I'm thinking it's pretty low."

Puck smiled wide as the moron looked embarrassed for a moment; it widened as Rachel kept right on going.

"Do you know what dumb jocks, like you, Dave, whose teams always lose, do after high school? … Nothing. No college wants somebody who can't think _and_ can't play. And last I checked, you didn't have a girlfriend either, and haven't in, oh, I don't know, forever."

Puck could tell she was about to go in for the kill, and he felt an odd surge of pride as she spoke.

"Your _entire_ life will be made up of doing nothing, going nowhere, and having no one. Subsequently, I understand that in comparison to your pathetic sports performance, your insufficient brain, your lack of social charm, and, well, your face, guys like Noah here, and my Finn, are a threat to you. Because they have a lot to offer. They excel at a lot of things, while you just keep right on failing at everything you try. So go ahead, ruffle up your feathers and make snide remarks like you are something special now, because when we are all in college, with happy relationships and bright futures, and you are still in this town, hating yourself as much as everyone else already does, we are not even going to remember you well enough to feel sorry for you.

Now get. the hell out. of our choir room."

Karofsky blinked, confused and annoyed and speechless, at Rachel for a moment. Puck, finally shaking his head to alleviate the haze of awe he had for Rachel, stepped around the tiny warrior to get Karofsky moving.

Once he turned back to her, he had to smile. She was doing what looked a lot like Quinn's "the-baby's-coming!" breathing exercises and smoothing her skirt compulsively, in an effort to calm herself down.

He shook his head and chuckled at her. In less than a half hour she'd been his confidant, his therapist, his conscience, and his bodyguard. "You are ridiculous, Rach."

"Thanks." She laughed lightly and gathered her backpack.

That was the weird thing about their friendship. He could say 'ridiculous,' but he knew she heard what he actually meant: amazing.

!

Finn was annoyed, and he could already feel it brewing into something worse. But he was trying to fight it, because everyone, _everyone_, knew that Karofsky was both an asshole and full of absolute shit.

But he couldn't not be alarmed by what was all over school: "Dave Karofsky caught Finn Hudson's girlfriend doing God-knows-what with Noah Puckerman in the choir room."

The reports were varied. Some claimed he'd walked in on Rachel with her lips on Puck's neck and his hand up her shirt, and once they knew they'd been caught, Rachel cried while Puck threatened to kick his ass if he told a soul. Finn was pretty sure that wasn't true.

But other people claimed that the two had been talking, having an obviously intimate conversation, and that when Karofsky started harassing Puck, Rachel stepped up and defended him with all that crazy-passion she was known for. This sequence of events seemed much more believable. But even with its lack of the kissing nonsense, something about that version still made Finn's stomach drop and throat burn, and his heart felt like it was just slipping out of his chest with dread.

By the time he'd made it through his last class, he was getting pretty pissed off from all the pitying looks he was getting in the hallway. Everyone's expression seeming to say, "Poor, dumb Finn. It's happened to him again. He really shouldn't leave his girlfriend alone with that guy, even if she is a psycho-loser." The only thing that was going to make him feel any better was Rachel. She'd tell him what really happened, and she'd make it okay. And maybe she'd come up with something new for them to sing today, and he could lose himself in song, in her, and it'd be like this crappy afternoon never happened.

But he should have known, as soon as he stepped into the choir room and Rachel didn't bound over immediately to greet him, that his hope for salvation wasn't going to come. She looked up as he stepped in and flashed him a small, but dazzling, smile, before looking back down at the sheet music in front of her as she stood over the piano. He was about to walk over to ask her what she was working on, when his former best friend appeared at Rachel's side and whispered something to her.

Finn watched her smile up at Puck, and nudge him a little with her shoulder, and he thought he was going to be sick. He was trying to decide whether he needed to go throw up or go punch Puck for whispering to his girl when Mr. Schue walked in behind him and invited (told) him to take a seat.

"Alright, guys. Puck has asked to go first today if that's alright with everyone?"

Finn noticed a few looks of surprise and intrigue, since Puck only ever seemed to volunteer in glee when he had a new woman to woo. He narrowed his eyes. He better not be singing to Rachel.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue. And Rachel has actually agreed to help me out, so…"

Finn could feel his body start to shake; singing _with_ Rachel was just as bad as singing _to_ her. Something like bitter distrust ignited in him as he watched his girlfriend and Puck share another look, before she sat at the piano and Puck situated himself on a stool with his guitar. He heard himself growl lowly. Since when did his girlfriend share silent-meaningful-eye-talk with Noah Puckerman?

They started playing, and then their voices joined in. And he knew on some level that it really sounded amazing. But that knowledge was buried deep below his growing feelings of rampant jealousy and he was paying it no attention.

_I find the map and draw a straight line_

_Over rivers, farms, and state lines_

_The distance from 'A' to where you'd be_

_It's only finger-lengths that I see_

_I touch the place_

Where I'd find your face

_My fingers in creases_

_Of distant dark places_

Finn felt totally devastated as their voices flowed together. Singing with Rachel was like being so close to her that you could see inside her mind, her heart, her spirit, _everything_. And he truly believed the only thing, in the whole world, more beautiful than her smile, was her soul. Right now, Puck was getting to see into her, while he, her boyfriend, was stuck on the outside. And Finn was not okay with that.

This wasn't the kind of duet where they took turns; her lines, his lines. No, every line was _their_ line, and their voices blended so smoothly, both so full of a haunted longing, and Finn's heart broke to hear it. And every shattered piece pierced and stabbed at him from the inside out.

The song was building towards the chorus, and Rachel was playing now with her eyes shut. Finn listened to her voice, so much softer than normal. It was gorgeous, even as it hurt him, because he knew that everything about the way she leant her voice was meant to hold Puck's up, and he felt like he was being crushed with the symbolism. She wasn't singing for stardom right now, she wasn't singing for herself at all. She was singing for _him_. And she was making Finn hear it, watch it, feel it, and God, he thought he might actually hate her for a moment.

_I'm miles from where you are_

_I lay down,_

_On the cold ground_

_And I, I pray that something picks me up_

_And sets me down _

_In your warm arms_

Finn turned his attention to Puck, and felt like his peace of mind, his sanity, was tripping over every strum of the guitar. Puck kept his eyes on the floor, on his hands, away from the crowd in front of him. Finn saw his eyes squint and his jaw flex and he knew he really believed every word, that this wasn't just some song he liked, but one he believed in.

_In dreaming pick up from_

_The last place we left off_

_Your soft skin is weepin'_

_A joy you can't keep in_

Finn hated that Puck was having that moment, that unbelievable moment where the music pouring out of you was all that you had keeping you in this world, all that was keeping the world in you. And he hated it because Puck was sharing that moment with Rachel, _his_ Rachel. The person who showed him that moment existed, and the only one he ever wanted to feel it with. And as if his once-friend knew it was the moment he could dig in a little deeper, Finn watched as Puck glanced over to Rachel and she turned to him and their eyes locked for the rest of the song, as they returned to the chorus and repeated it with sincere intensity.

_I'm miles from where you are_

_I lay down_

_On the cold ground_

_And I, I pray that something picks me up_

_And sets me down_

_In your warm arms_

And then the sound of their voices, of the instruments, was gone. It was over and there was silence, but Finn still couldn't really breathe.

Rachel stood up from the piano, and quietly offered, "I think you did lovely, Noah," to her partner and that seemed to shake most of the glee kids out of their stupor. Applause filled the room, with excited murmurings and compliments being thrown around. Tina commented to Rachel that she really _could_ sing anything. Mr. Schue told Puck that was the best he'd ever heard him be. Mike claimed it was superior to the original recording. And suddenly Finn really just couldn't take it any more. He erupted out of his chair, knocking it over on the riser, forcing a thundering sound to echo through the room. He was on his feet and in the thick of their little crowd in half a second.

"How could you?" His voice was loud, and strained, and his vision seemed to be focused on both Puck and Rachel so that no one, including maybe Finn, was entirely sure if it was one or the both of them that he was mad at.

Rachel looked taken aback, instantly drained of the elation a well-received performance gives her, and she crossed over to be closer to him gracefully, concerned but confused. "Finn, what's wrong?"

The glare he turned on her was intense, and looked totally out of place on his boyish face.

"Rachel, what the hell were you doing? Singing like that, with him? Are you actively trying to hurt me, or do you just not care if you do?"

"Finn, I, I was just trying to help him. I thought the song could mean something to him, so I suggested it, and then it was specifically written for two voices."

Finn laughed humorlessly and nodded, everything drenched in sarcasm. "The song was written for two voices. Is that a metaphor, Rach? Is that what Karofsky walked in on? A song written for two voices?"

There was a collective gasp from their audience at his accusation and Finn watched Rachel's face crumble, her head shaking back and forth repeatedly. Finn hated seeing her like that, so obviously hurt and confused, and if he didn't feel so much the same way he would have stopped at nothing to erase it all from her beautiful features in an instant. But he couldn't offer her anything right then, he felt so out of control.

"Now hold up a fuckin' minute, dude."

Finn's attention snapped to Puck as he spoke up suddenly, clearly agitated.

"Whatever you're thinking, whatever you heard, you just need to shut the hell up right now before you start regretting shit. You _know_ Rachel, and you know she wouldn't do anything like that."

"Well, I also knew a president of the Celibacy Club who wouldn't do a lot of things either, until you came along."

There was that group gasp again, and Finn felt an unexpected sting from a slap across his cheek. He looked down at Rachel in shock. Her face was still red with embarrassed hurt, her cheeks still damp and shiny with tears, but there was anger now too and her voice was low but strong when she spoke to him

"Apologize to Quinn this instant, Finn Hudson."

He scoffed at the command even as Quinn tried to smooth things over. "It's okay, Rachel. It's kind of fair."

"No, it most certainly is not. Yes, some choices you made in the past were maybe not the best ones, but that was a long time ago and you've handled their consequences, and there's a beautiful baby girl to show for them. You've moved on with your life. And he's claimed that so has he. You deserve better than to be dragged into whatever this is, and just because he's angry at me now does not mean he can speak to you, or about you, that way."

She had been talking to Quinn, but her eyes never left Finn's, and as she prepared to address him again her look softened and she took a step in.

It was strange how her proximity could always change him. As she stood closer he felt the rage drain all but completely, his breathing evened and his sight broadened beyond the tunnel of anger he'd been confined to just a moment before.

But he was still aching and lost. He didn't know what had come over him, he didn't know what to think, but he felt like even if Puck had never physically touched her, seeing the way they sang together, the way they were so effortless with each other, it was like his greatest fear. He loved her, so much more than he'd thought possible, and she knew him, his whole mind and his entire heart. And he believed that what they had was special, rare, especially at their age. He couldn't bear the thought that it didn't feel that way to her too. She obviously also shared something deep and personal with Puck, and the jealousy gripped tightly at Finn and he just couldn't break free.

"Finn, I don't know what's going on here exactly, but whatever you think I did, whatever has upset you so much, it has to be a misunderstanding. I would never intentionally hurt you. I know I can explain it, or I'm sure we can figure it out together. If you give me a chance. But no matter what else is happening, I cannot stand here and watch you be any less than the good-hearted man that I know you are. So please, apologize to Quinn. And to Noah. And then let's go somewhere to talk, just us. Please?"

There was a pause while everyone in that room held their breath, waiting for an answer, eyes on Finn.

All he saw was Rachel, and all he could think was that she was beautiful and that he loved her and that he wanted to do exactly what she asked…but he couldn't. Not right now. He needed to think. And possibly cry. In private. Alone.

He looked around helplessly; at the gawking face of Kurt, at the concerned look of Mr. Schuester, at the pain in Quinn's eyes. He wanted to be the man the tiny brunette before him saw him as, really. But he hadn't thought what Puck and Quinn had done could hurt him anymore, yet it had. He hadn't thought Rachel would hurt him, ever, but she had too. He felt trapped in his own skin, and while he knew he'd feel guilt over all their disappointment later, he had to get out of there.

"I, uh, I….I've got to go." He muttered, his breath pushed out in dejected resignation, before he turned and hurried from the room.

!

Quinn had recognized the figure sitting sadly on the bleachers, falling into shadows as the sun slipped further towards the horizon. She knew instantly that it was Rachel, but she'd hoped she could still walk by, straight towards the parking lot as planned, completely unaffected by the giant cloud of sadness the dramatic brunette was wrapped in.

But, while she'd give anything most days to go back to her life 10 months ago, she knew from the massive guilt that was currently making her nauseous that she clearly wasn't_ that_ girl anymore, and that she couldn't ignore that her and Rachel were now at least somewhat friends. And it really looked like the tiny girl needed one.

Sighing heavily to prepare herself for an interaction she was certain would be both uncomfortable and tedious, she walked unhurriedly to the stands and sat herself down beside Rachel Berry, waiting through the quiet until the sniffling to her left seemed to be under control.

"I know I probably have no right to say this, especially considering what I've done to both him and you, but what he did in there today was awful. And I hope you make him beg and plead and apologize for hours before even considering taking him back."

When Rachel surprised her by not saying anything, she sighed again and pulled a tissue from her bag to hand to the still crying girl.

"Thank you."

Interesting. Apparently the chatty part of her was broken but obviously Rachel Berry was still nothing if not polite.

Quinn sat for a moment longer in the awkward silence before trying again.

"Look, Rachel, I'm sorry."

The brunette looked at her with honest questions in her eyes and Quinn almost laughed. Like there wasn't a long list of things she'd done or said to Rachel that she should apologize for. Still, she humored the sometimes-drama queen and explained.

"I guess I'm sorry for a lot, but at this moment I'm sorry I didn't let Finn go gracefully at the start, and I'm sorry I lied and hurt him so deeply, because he's a great guy and he only acted like such a jerk today because I was selfish and betrayed him."

"Quinn…"

"It's true. And you and I know both know it. He trusted me, and then everything came out and he realized he really shouldn't have. He wants to trust you, but maybe I've made that harder than any of us even expected."

Quinn was surprised when Rachel's expression hardened.

"Stop that. While what you said may be slightly true, there is no need for _you_ to apologize for _him_ behaving so atrociously. He's been far from perfect and it is not okay for him to bring up past pain and throw a tantrum, humiliating you and me in front of our friends, merely because he has a bit of trust issues. I have trust issues, too, you know. But I try to deal with them like an adult."

Quinn chuckled a little at the intensity of Rachel's face and words. It was a characteristic she used to find particularly annoying, but for whatever reason it amused her now more than anything. Still, she could see through it and all that the anger had more to do with being so hurt than anything. She gave her companion a knowing look.

"Rachel…"

The brief wave of anger evaporated from the two big brown eyes before her, and Quinn recognized the deep sadness below from an eternity ago when it'd been her heart Finn had damaged. It struck her that it was weird that she was trying to console the girl who'd stolen the boy she loved away, well before there was a baby. She'd have started to wander dangerously close to some bad memories if Rachel hadn't exhaled noisily and re-captured her attention.

"I know my righteous indignation is a farce, merely an ineffectual ploy to stop my heart from re-breaking every time I remember what he said. But I really do believe you have nothing to apologize for here, Quinn. If Finn can't trust _me_, it's because he's unwilling to risk his heart for the sake of our relationship, which means he doesn't feel for me what I thought he did. Or because, perhaps, he just doesn't feel I've earned his trust yet. And maybe there are actually legitimate reasons for that."

Quinn just looked at her skeptically. So, Rachel continued.

"Well, my relationship with Jesse, the heartless miscreant, certainly affected the way Finn saw me and understood my feelings for him. But, more importantly in this situation, I think I have, rather subconsciously, possibly hidden my friendship with Noah from him."

The blonde ex-cheerleader felt her face contort in surprise, both at Rachel's words and the possible envy she now felt burning in her throat.

"Please, make no mistake that nothing is, or will ever, be going on between Noah and I like _that_. The brief experiment last fall was entirely due to his need to distract himself from wanting you, and my total desperation to get any kind of attention from Finn. And it lasted perhaps longer than it should have because, well, he is a terrifically competent kisser, and I was legitimately surprised at how sweet he could be."

Quinn smiled a little, knowing exactly what Rachel meant. But she kept quiet as the girl continued.

"But, even though the romance between us was incredibly short-lived, Noah and I were never able to go back to the way we were before. We obviously weren't more than teammates in word or action, but there was a new respect between us that we couldn't ignore. Ever since baby Beth was born, circumstances have pushed that respect to grow into a surprising but genuine affection. He's now my friend, somehow. And I want him to be happy. And I want to be there for him when he's struggling with, well, everything." Rachel let out a shaking breath before continuing, and even in the dimming evening light Quinn could see a slight blush of shame darkening her cheeks. "But I never let Finn know all that. I think, obviously, it was at least in part because I wondered if Finn would react exactly like he did earlier. Assuming the worst, not understanding how I could see the good in Noah, even after the bad he's done. But I think I also wanted it to be a secret because I was afraid if it got out, if it became real, that Noah wouldn't want to be my friend anymore and I'd lose him. The only person other than Finn who really had any tolerance for me, outside of music."

Rachel's eyes welled with tears again. "I was being selfish and greedy. And less than honest. And while I hate the way he acted today, I hate it more that I put him in a position where he'd feel the need to. I'm so certain of the way I feel about him, that I feel powerfully ashamed that he's not sure of it too."

Quinn would be lying if she said she completely understood Rachel Berry. She'd be lying more if she claimed that she was totally okay with hearing about her feelings for Finn when it still stung to remember what she'd lost with the boy. But she did believe, in that instant, that she saw and understood as much as anyone on the outside could, that the love between this girl beside her and that boy was real, true, and bigger than all the drama they'd endured to get there. She was surprised at how much she wanted for them to be able to work this out.

Still, her voice wasn't anything but the crisp, cool tone it normally was when she spoke.

"Well, while I think you apologizing to him first is a ridiculous, maybe you'd feel better, and he'd feel better, if you told him all that."

Rachel just nodded, but Quinn felt like her job was done. She smiled somewhat awkwardly as she stood, then began to slowly descend down the metal stairs.

"Quinn?"

She turned as she reached the field level to see Rachel's face, still tear stained and red, holding a sincere smile and bit of relief. "Thanks."

Quinn just nodded before continuing to walk away, calling, "I'd totally make him sweat it a little longer first, though," over her shoulder.

!

While she understood Quinn's final comment, Rachel really hadn't any intention of making Finn suffer anymore. She appreciated the girl's insight and willing ear when she'd truly needed it, but, well, there was a reason Finn and Quinn weren't dating anymore and it wasn't just about lies and babies. So, she had completely hoped to get things reconciled with Finn as soon as she cleaned herself up a bit.

But things didn't go as she planned.

Upon arriving home, her fathers had pulled her into a family outing to buy a new entertainment center for the recently finished Berry basement. And, when that was finished, she felt it was too late to just stop by unannounced. She'd proceeded to try for several hours to get a hold of Finn, but every text met silence, every call met voicemail, and she fell asleep much later than she should on a school night waiting for any response from her boyfriend.

Tiredly pulling herself out of bed in the morning had been a chore, and one she was unaccustomed to considering her typically rigid and mature sleep schedule. But after seeing her phone's battery had died in the night (probably from here near constant double checking to see if she'd missed anything from Finn), she logged into her email account on a whim and was surprised to see a subject-less email from him, time stamped at 4:37 am.

The message was short, but still enough to put hope in her heart. "If the offer still stands, I'm ready to talk now. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I walk to the park off Euclid and watch the sunrise."

Bursting from her chair she noticed that the faintest bit of light was filtering through her curtains. She'd have to skip her morning workout and wouldn't be the put together Rachel Berry she normally was, but she thought she could make it before the sun was all the way up.

Dressing in a hurry, she moved out the door and towards the park faster than she knew she was capable of to try and reach him.

Of course, the moment she actually saw his figure, standing at the bridge over the park's tiny stream, shoulders still slightly slumped with sadness and defeat, she felt her movements slow to a crawl with apprehension.

"Finn?"

Her voice was soft and hesitant as she approached him from behind. He usually loved it, her quiet, private-time voice, but he was still too hurt, too confused, and possibly too angry, to feel any comfort from it now. He didn't look at her, not even as she came to stand right beside him, her arm lightly brushing his own. He just stood and stared out at the water, his clenching jaw the only indication he even noticed she was there.

"Finn," she tried again, and while her voice was still soft there was a new sternness to it and what seemed like an undercurrent of tired pleading. "I know that you are upset with me, and I hate that something I did has made you feel that way. But I need you to hear me out and I think I deserve at least that."

He wanted to be annoyed at her request. After all, he felt like he'd deserved a lot of things he hadn't gotten. A first girlfriend that wouldn't cheat and lie. A best friend that wouldn't betray him. Hell, a father who was alive and _there_. Finn knew all too well that life wasn't always about what you deserved, and part of him wanted to show that to Rachel now, in case she hadn't already figured it out. But he also still wanted to believe that Rachel was different than everyone else who'd let him down, and he knew Rachel actually understood perfectly that life could screw you over. And more than anything, he wanted her to convince him that they could be okay again. So he nodded slightly to let her know he would listen.

But he still wouldn't look at her, and that made her sigh with sadness.

"I have really thought about things, with a little help even from an unlikely ally, and I've since concluded that your reaction yesterday was not over one specific thing, but was more likely born of three emotionally-distressing stimuli compounding on you at once. Firstly, what Quinn did to you. Secondly, what Puck did to you. And thirdly, the fact that he and I have dated in the past, albeit briefly."

She waited for some acknowledgement of her accuracy. A confirmation that some combination of these factors was what had instigated his rather un-Finn-like outburst and dramatic exit yesterday, and that she was moving in the right direction for fixing this. None came. But she felt, in its own way, that served as agreement, so she continued.

"On the Quinn issue, all I can say is that, if you don't trust me now because you shouldn't have trusted her then, than we have much bigger problems than me spending time with Noah." Finn heard the decisiveness in her voice and knew, if they made it through this, she would be far less forgiving if he ever pulled Quinn into their relationship troubles again.

"And as for his betrayal, I really think that is between you and him, and what's between you and me should be left out of it. I don't want to be held responsible for anyone's actions but my own. And I do not think that is unreasonable." She thought the words may have sounded harsh, but she was trying to keep any hint of that out of her voice

"On the last point, however, about back when I was with Noah, that may be where I might owe you an explanation. I'm concerned that maybe my actions and intentions have not been entirely clear." She paused to take a breath and noticed that he quickly looked to her out of the corner of his eyes, before redirecting his gaze back out before him just as fast.

"Yes, I find Noah attractive."

Finn's head spun in her direction and his mouth opened instantly to sputter nonsense noises of what she assumed to be angered disbelief, but she held up her hand to stop him and pushed forward through his attempted interruption to finish her point. "I find him attractive because he is attractive, and I am a heterosexual female. With eyes. And I don't think I have to remind you that Quinn is very beautiful, because I know you still know that, no matter what she's done. My point is, we both know there is a lot more to feeling something for someone, and making a relationship work, than mere physical attraction."

He snapped his mouth shut, allowing her to continue, though he didn't look particularly happy about it.

"I won't say that Noah and I don't have a connection of some sort, because we do. He and I, well, we, in an unexpected but very real way, understand eachother. And while he hates to admit it, it makes us friends. In a truer sense of the word than what he probably shares with most of the people in his life. And as a result of that, it's important for me to be there for him if he needs me. Because I know, despite his many actions that would sometimes appear to the contrary, he would be there for me if I truly needed him."

At this admission he couldn't not look at her, and the last of his anger was completely replaced by hurt, sadness, defeat. And her heart ached for him, but she had to be totally honest about this so that he might understand in the end.

"But that is all it is with him, Finn. A strong feeling that we could be really good friends to eachother. A sense that despite past slushies and insults, and having no real mutual interests outside of music, he is someone who couldn't stand to see me hurt. As you may have noticed, I really don't have a lot of that kind of someones, so Noah _is_ important to me. But it is not romantic. At all. When it comes to what I want, who I want…it's always been you. No matter how much I didn't want to want you sometimes, I always have."

She took note of the lingering sadness in his expression, but was encouraged by a new layer of hope in his eyes to continue.

"From the first time you sang in glee, you were the star in my every daydream, every single fantasy. And when you showed up and well, saved us, with "Don't Stop Believing," I fell so far into love with you."

He smiled a little at that. He couldn't help it. Hearing her say she loved him would always bring a rush of joy, even if he was still unsure of where this all was headed.

"But what really sealed my fate, Finn, was that first kiss in the auditorium. What you said, about hearing me sing touching something in you? I had felt that very thing about your voice. And then feeling your heartbeat, and your lips on mine? I had never, ever, really wanted anything else but to be a star…until that moment. Suddenly I knew what it was like to need something other than applause, or approval, or to make my parents proud. I still want those things, of course, but since that kiss I've wanted _you_ more….and everything about who I am, and what my life will be, is different, is better, because you showed me something new and wonderful." She looked down then, her voice softer still, "And I'm so sorry that I let you down."

Finn's expression was a mix of guilt and confusion, and he began to shake his head to argue, because clearly he'd been a fool and how could she take the blame after saying such wonderful things? Things that made his heart melt and swell. But she again ignored his protests and soldiered through. "No, I did. I love you more than I had thought it was possible. I love you in a way that seems to consume me, entirely, every waking moment and most of my dreaming ones. And I have been holding back, afraid to scare you like I did last time. With how intense I can be. But what is the point of loving someone so completely, if he doesn't feel it? If he can't know and trust that you love him like that, so that he never, ever, has to doubt or wonder where your heart lies? I'm sorry you didn't know how I felt, how much I felt, and that it hurt you. And I'm going to try harder, if you'll let me, to show you all the love I have."

"Rach, I'm so sor-"

She put her soft hand to his mouth, firm but gentle, to silence him so she could finish.

"I know you are. And I expect you to still apologize to Quinn and Noah, Finn. It may surprise the heck out you, them, and me, but I consider them both good friends now and I cannot tolerate my friends being treated that way, especially when, in this case, they had done absolutely nothing wrong. But, after school, if you'll still have me, maybe we could spend sometime, um, _showing _how much we love eachother?" She tilted her head a little and smiled up at him with the most addictive mixture of coyness and hope and love.

Finn Hudson's mouth ran dry in disbelief. She _so_ didn't even have to ask.

He pulled her up into his arms in a dramatic flourish of emotion. His lips rested against hers as he mouthed, "I love you," over and over again and Rachel felt everything but joy fall away.

And while she hoped that in the very long (forever) future she planned to have with Finn Hudson he never doubted her love again, well, she wouldn't be opposed to the occasional fight if making up was going to feel this good.

Fin.

!

The song Puck/Rachel sing is "Set the Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol. Obviously, they own it, not me.


End file.
